When Tom and I started and pastored a non-denominational church years ago, there was a young, single guy that joined us. When we came back to the Catholic Church, he followed, went through RCIA and became Catholic. He is currently in Thailand as a missionary, fighting human trafficking. He works with a Protestant organization but greatly desires to partner with Catholics. Unfortunately, he hasn't had much luck finding Catholic groups over there to partner with. The reason is because most of the Catholic groups in Thailand, working with human trafficking victims are more into social justice and they don't see the need to evangelize; they don't see that the people would be better off if they knew Jesus instead of believing in Buddha, or their Hindu god. It is good that they want to take care of their physical needs, protect their dignity and rescue them from trafficking, but unfortunate that they do not see that true freedom only comes from knowing Jesus and having a relationship with him.
I do not know what the reason for this is, perhaps fear; fear of rocking the boat and offending people. I want to give these Catholic groups the benefit of doubt and think they somewhat know Christ but I seriously question whether they know him intimately.
Scripture talks about perfect love driving out all fear (1 John 4:8). Perfect love comes through knowing Christ intimately; not just knowing about him or having a superficial relationship where we hold back or hide some areas of our heart from the Lord.
We are called to give it all and open the door of every area of our heart to the Lord's sanctifying grace.
I believe St. Peter had a fear of intimacy with the Lord at first and that is what led to him denying Jesus three times during his passion as Peter succumbed to fear.
There are several things we see in scripture that would indicate that Peter may have had a fear of intimacy.
At the transfiguration, Peter tried to change the subject, suggesting they build tents, possibly because he wasn't willing to enter into the intimacy of the moment and fully receive what he was being shown (Matthew 17).
When Jesus was preparing to wash the disciples feet, Peter didn't want Jesus to wash his feet (John 13).
When Jesus appeared on the shore after his Resurrection, Peter clothed himself before jumping in the water to see Jesus (John 21). Could this represent trying to hide his soul and not letting Jesus see all of him?
After Jesus' death and Resurrection and before his Ascension, Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him. By the third time, I think Peter finally got it, had an ah-ha moment and realized the Lord sees all things and nothing can be hidden from him. He then understood that what is most important is an intimate relationship with God and it is only out of this intimate relationship that we can perfectly love others.
Since Peter originally had a fear of intimacy and wouldn't let Jesus see everything about him and allow his perfect love to drive out all fear in his heart, he didn't have the fortitude to resist the temptation of denying Jesus when the pressure was on.
If we fail to have an intimate relationship with the Lord; hiding parts of our souls from him, we could actually do more harm than good. If we don't allow the Lord to love us perfectly, we will cave to fear when the pressure is intense; fear of man, fear of failure, fear of rejection, etc. This fear will make it nearly impossible to make ourselves vulnerable and love others. Instead we will try to defend ourselves and lash out at people.
That is what puffer fish do; when they become afraid and feel threatened, they puff up and can injure if you get too close.
As Catholics, we especially have an amazing opportunity through the Eucharist to enter into deeper intimacy with the Lord but we need to open our hearts to the graces that are available.
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